


There Is No Us...

by cmonlightwoods



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Anxiety, Apologies, Bipolar Disorder, Crying, Everything I Touch Breaks, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Pain, Panic Attacks, Robbe Loves You Sander, SKAM Remakes, SKAM Season 3, Sander Deserves A Hug, Sander Deserves Happiness, Sanders Point Of View, There Is No Us, WTFock Season 3, Wtfock Really Decided To Hurt Us Like That
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-22 10:53:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmonlightwoods/pseuds/cmonlightwoods
Summary: I basically have been wondering what Sander must have felt when he sent Robbe THE voice message, so I decided to write down what maybe could have been happening and what he maybe has been thinking while going through all of this alone.Trigger Warning: Panic/Anxiety attack!
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 10
Kudos: 62





	There Is No Us...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AngelsSelene](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsSelene/gifts).



**“Hey Robbe. I’ll keep it short. You‘re right. There is no us. There never has been. And there never will be.“**

As soon as Sander was done recording the message to Robbe the tears started falling uncontrollably. He couldn’t keep them in anymore. He knew that he’d done what needed to be done, but he couldn’t stand the pain he was feeling. That crushing feeling on his chest, like his heart was breaking into tiny little pieces and at this moment, he was sure that it was actually breaking.

He wanted to be with Robbe. He desperately wanted to be with the boy, the feelings he had for him were so strong, so intense and so real, but deep down he knew it wouldn't work. It couldn’t. He had been debating it over and over again. He couldn’t stop thinking about it, but when he received Robbe’s message telling him that they should end what they had, because there never had been a “them” he’d realized that Robbe was right all along. And even though he had received Robbe’s message of him changing his mind he knew that this couldn’t be true, it couldn’t be. He didn’t deserve Robbe and he should have known it all along. He should have. 

He was alone. Alone with his feelings, alone with his thoughts, alone with it all. No one was by his side, he had to fight alone, he just had to get through this alone. He would be okay on his own.

He couldn’t be with Robbe. He couldn’t do this to him. He couldn’t break him. He couldn’t hurt him. He couldn’t risk hurting Robbe, just because he so selfishly wanted to be with him. Even if Robbe made him feel safe. 

Sander got up. He started moving around his room. From the window to the door and back. From the window to the door and back. From the window to the door and back. From the window to the door…His breathing started to get uneven. He tried to draw out a proper breath but he just couldn’t. The air was leaving his lungs and he couldn’t bring any in. He couldn’t breathe.

His hands started shaking uncontrollably and his knees got weak. He tried to lean himself against the door to hold himself up, but he wasn’t able to. He sunk down, hugging himself, trying to comfort himself, but calming down seemed to be impossible. He kept crying, sobbing. He felt lost, alone, broken. 

“You’re alone. You’re alone. You’re alone. You’re alone. You’re alone. You’re alone”, the voice inside his head got louder and louder and he pressed his hands on his ears, trying to drown it out. 

“STOP, PLEASE, STOP”, he cried out. 

He knew he had lost control. He needed to focus. Focus on something that made him feel safe.

Grabbing some paper and chalk Sanders hand started moving without him even realizing it, but he knew what he was going to draw, who he was going to draw.  
He knew Robbe’s features by heart. The way his jaw looked like it could cut paper, his soft eyes and the messy hair he loved to run his fingers through. And he kept drawing, visualizing the way he saw Robbe. Trying to portray and show his love for Robbe and how sorry he was, how sorry he was for putting him through all this. Sorry for all the pain he’d caused. He kept drawing the boy who was his safe haven. Once he was finished, he only needed to write a few words still:

**“I’m sorry”.**

He placed the drawing on his desk. Packed his belongings. Leaving things that reminded him of Robbe behind. Seeing this one t-shirt he closed his eyes and reminisced in the memory of him and Robbe reuniting for a second.

**“You and I. 100%. In every universe.”**

Then he shook his head, deciding not to take the t-shirt with him, turned of the lights and left.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I post on here and I am quite nervous, but this one means a lot to me, so I thought, why not share it?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading it.  
> Let me know what you think @cmonlightwoods on Twitter or here!
> 
> Sending love!
> 
> (Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine & the sentences written in bold print are direct quotes from the show & do not belong to me!)


End file.
